Ahhh, bonjour mon ami! Allow me to present to you — le magnifique Capitaine Jean-Baptiste Moustachon de la Garde Impériale!
Look at 'im, non? Zis is not just a soldier — zis is a work of art! Ze 'at, eet is so tall, ze birds, zey try to nest in eet during ze parade! C'est ridicule! But Napoléon, 'e say "Make eet taller!" and so... voilà.
Ze moustache — ohhhh la la — eet 'as eets own pension. Eet 'as fought in three battles by eetself. Once, eet caught a musket ball and just... flicked eet away. Comme ça!
'E wakes up at four in ze morning to polish 'is buttons, because Napoléon say ze enemy must be blinded by ze shininess before zey are shot. Very strategic. Very French.
'Is breakfast? A baguette, some cheese zat smell like ze feet of a dead 'orse, and un petit verre of wine. "For ze courage," 'e say. Eet is six in ze morning. 'E is already on 'is second glass.
In battle 'e is terrifying — not because of ze musket, non, but because 'e weel not stop talking about 'is wine cellar. Ze Russians, zey surrendered just to make eet stop. True story. Probably.
'Is favorite phrase: "Pour l'Empereur!" 'Is second favorite: "Where ees ze cheese?"
